There are endless resources out there to help a woman with her flirting skills. She's fully equipped with information about how to make you notice her. She's been properly schooled about how she should lean into the conversation -- body language, you know. She knows to cross her legs toward you and absently tug her hair while intently listening to you talk, all while managing to rest her elbow nearly against yours the whole time. It's like a game of Twister that she's actually mastered.
But you -- you haven't got the first clue where to start. You're not a game-playing kind of guy. You prefer to just tell a lady you like her and see where it goes from there. But, if you find yourself reading this article, it probably hasn't really gone anywhere, so it's time to brush up on your flirting skills. Here are five tips to coax out your inner flirt.
5: Act Interested
Depending on the kind of advice you've received in the past, this may either seem too on the nose or completely counterintuitive. Of course you need to act interested, you think. How else will she know I like her? Or, you may have the opinion that girls seem more interested in guys who ignore them, so will you look like you have no game if you actually let on that you're interested?
Playing coy may work for women flirting with men, but when the shoe is on the other foot, women need to know you're interested. Just not too interested. Confused yet? Let's break it down. If you're attracted to someone, you need to give her some sort of idea that this is the case.
But at the flirting stage of any relationship, things need to be light and fun. So, managing the intensity of your interest is important. Pay enough attention that she gets the hint, but don't come on so strong that she gets creeped out.
4: Play Hard to Get
Yes, we realize this seems like a complete contradiction of the advice we gave you in No. 5, but it's not exactly. It's human nature to desire what may not be yours, so it's good to pay attention to the woman of your pursuits, but maybe not too much attention at first. This means don't fawn all over her, complimenting her every feature and acting like you can't live without her. This could quickly fall into stalker territory. If you're in a group, be sure to talk to other people, especially other women. Just don't flirt with the other women because this will send mixed signals to the one you like. You don't want the apple of your eye to give up on you entirely.
When you're talking to her, don't overly approve of everything she says. You don't want to go overboard and reject her comments, but it's OK to let her wonder what you're thinking about. Yes, this all falls under the category of games, which generally isn't a good idea in relationships. But all is fair in the flirting arena.
3: Get Physical
Remember in elementary school when you chased the pretty girl around the playground and grabbed her ponytail? She probably wondered why you were bullying her, having no idea that you were trying to let her know that you secretly liked her. Fortunately, you've both gotten a little better at giving and receiving body language cues, so pain is no longer required to get her attention. But a little touch is still a great way to let a lady know that you're into her.
The big rule in this is to make sure the touch is appropriate. Anything perceived as groping will likely land you a slap on the face and an escort out the door. But finding an excuse to grab her hand is a great way to test the waters and see if the feelings are reciprocal. Maybe it's legitimate, like trying to stay with her in a crowd, or maybe you have to make up a reason, like pretending to read her palm. The good news is, if she keeps her hand in yours, she probably likes you. But if she quickly pulls away, you may need to put on the brakes.
2: Make Her Laugh
It's no secret that making a woman laugh is one of the quickest ways to get her attention. Believe it or not, for many ladies, funny and charming rank right up there with handsome and athletic. Why do you think Jack Black gets romantic leads in movies?
In regard to being a funny guy, obviously, we're not talking about pulling out your arsenal full of knock-knock jokes. And you may want to avoid making light of politics or religion until you know where she stands on those issues. You can always start by lightly make fun of yourself. Self-deprecation, if done right, lets her know you're confident enough to laugh at yourself, and that is a turn-on. Lightly making fun of her in an appreciative way is another flirting technique that will clue her in that you like her -- as long as you keep it on the level. You don't want to turn it into a roast. You'll definitely want to skip the butt jokes unless she makes one first. And even then, you're probably best avoiding any jokes about her body unless she's a swimsuit model. Remember, light and fun is the name of the game.
1: Be Curious
By nature, communication is important to most women. Why else do you think they would spend hours on the phone with their girlfriends and mothers? And in general, women are used to men being less interested in their ramblings. So, you want to know one of the best flirting techniques? Ask questions, and then actually listen to the answers.
Demonstrating an ability to listen in a genuinely interested way will drive you up the ranks -- and fast. Is she wearing a cool piece of jewelry? There may be an interesting story behind it. She'll know if you're faking it, though, so don't go overboard if the story isn't actually all that interesting. And do be careful of falling into the trap of the lovesick best friend. This means you may want to avoid lending an ear about anything related to current or past relationship troubles. This is the kind of stuff that lands you in the nice-guys-finish-last category.
Lots More Information
- 5 Dating Tips for Shy Guys
- 5 Tips for Creating a Romantic Night
- 5 Communication Tips for Romantic Relationships
- 5 Tips for Keeping a Relationship Fresh
- "5 Killer Flirting Tips For Men That Drive Women Wild." Shamelessreviews.com, 2010.http://www.shamelessreviews.com/5-killer-flirting-tips-for-men-that-drive-women-wild/
- Tray, Tyler. "Top 5 Flirting Tips for Men." Ezinearticles.com, 2010.http://ezinearticles.com/?Top-5-Flirting-Tips-For-Men---Flirting-Tips---Perfect-For-Texting&id=1543776