Go Slow

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Go Slow

Have you ever been so busy with an activity, whether volunteering on a board or being on a bowling team, that when you finally slowed down or stopped doing it you realized you didn't really enjoy the activity itself? Dating can lead to the same kind of busyness with mediocre results. When you find that niche or just right match for your interest and skills as a volunteer, for example, you absolutely love what you do and why you're doing it. Staying busy on dates and moving from one activity to the next keeps you from getting to know one another and whether you really like each other or just like each others' company while staying busy.

Taking your time and planning first dates that focus on conversation might not be as exciting as musical theater followed by club dancing or eating in a popular but crowded and noisy restaurant before seeing a movie, but it will reveal more about who you're with. Nerves can keep early conversations stilted or centered in small talk, so keeping first dates short and simple works well. Having coffee or dessert and building up to a long walk or a couple of hours in a bookstore sharing reading likes and dislikes, for example, will open or close the door to more active dates later.

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