How to Build Confidence Before a Date


Think Positive Before a Date

Realistically, not every date is going to lead to a soul mate, so having a good attitude about the dating process can take a lot of the stress out of it -- at least until you do find that perfect person or just someone you'd like to get to know better. What does a good attitude look like? It's more than just positive thinking. It's about keeping your perspective so that even if the date goes sour, you can still go home with your self-confidence intact.

For instance, start with managing your expectations. If you've spent all week fantasizing that you and your date are going to fall madly in love, you will likely be disappointed with the reality, even if the reality is that you have a really good time. The Buddhist philosophy of nonattachment is a good one to practice in dating. Pema Chödrön, a renowned teacher of Tibetan Buddhism, explains that being attached to things, even the outcome of a date, keeps you oriented to the future rather than the present and prevents you from connecting with the people around you. Leaving your expectations at home also includes not bringing along memories of all the bad dates you've ever been on and grudges from past relationships [source: eHarmony].

That said, it doesn't hurt to be optimistic. Optimists live longer, and you'll definitely want to live as long as possible once you've found "the one" [source: Weil]. This doesn't just mean always thinking happy thoughts. Optimism leaves room for something good to come out of a bad date -- after all, even the worst date will at least make a good story to tell your friends.

If you aren't naturally optimistic, don't worry; optimism and positive thinking can be learned. Visualization and affirmation are ways to teach yourself positive thinking. Close your eyes and visualize being confident, sexy and charming on the date. Make up a couple of key phrases, or affirmations, to say to yourself before and during the date -- try "I radiate confidence and ease."

Visualizations and affirmations will help you focus on your many good qualities. They'll also help you accept your imperfections and know that you may stumble over your words now and then, or spill a little wine, but these moments are your opportunities to be vulnerable and show how human you are. This is also when those laughter-induced endorphins can really make a difference.

For more dating tips and tricks, check out the links below.

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Sources

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