Now bear with us here. "Falling into a volcano?" you say. "Sure, that sounds bad but you're pretty much dead, dead, dead before you could blink, right?"
Well, surprise, my morbid friends! Because of the relative density of lava, you'll be delighted to know that if you were to fall into a volcano Gollum-style, you will probably not be swallowed like a rock plopping into the water. Instead, you will land on top of the lava with a soft little hiss (OK, I made that up) and then basically burst into flame. Which is pretty miserable and sad.
If burning on top of lava crust isn't bad enough for you, you'll be glad to know that another scientist tested this theory by throwing a 66-pound (30-kilogram) bag of food into a volcano to discover -- hooray! -- sometimes the crust can be penetrated by bags of organic matter (i.e., humans). So if you're really looking for a miserable way to die (and please call someone if you are, like the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the U.S. at 1-800-273-TALK/8255), jumping into a volcano might just be the way to do it.