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5 Tips for Talking to a Guy on the Phone

Talking on the phone with a guy you like is a big step.
Talking on the phone with a guy you like is a big step.
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Talking on the phone is a necessary step in the adolescent courtship ritual. Sure, there's talking at school, or commenting on Facebook, but bridging the gap between those activities and an actual date usually involves the telephone. Yes, the prospect of actually picking up the phone and dialing his number is daunting.

But before you start wailing in despair, take a deep breath. There are things you can do to make this experience much easier for the both of you. So get your pencils out, ladies. It's time to take notes.

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Think about what you'll say before you dial that number.
Think about what you'll say before you dial that number.
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Calling a guy is hard. What if he doesn't pick up? What if he does pick up? These are just some of the possibilities that keep us from hitting that last digit of his phone number. But then you finally do work up the gumption to make the call, and his voice comes on the line -- and you have no idea what to say next.

Don't let awkward silences be the death of your conversation. Before you even pick up the phone, think of one or two things to bring up during the conversation. It doesn't have to be big, although if you're feeling brave and want to ask him to the prom, go for it. Ask him about things you're both involved in, like Spanish class or math club. If you're worried you'll draw a complete blank when you actually get him on the phone, jot down a couple of reminders. But whatever you do, don't write out a word-for-word script. Just let it come naturally.

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Take some time to get to know him.
Take some time to get to know him.
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If this guy isn't someone you know terribly well, you might have to do a little detective work. The obvious place to start is to see what kinds of school activities he's involved with. Sports, drama club, the school paper, whatever it is -- they're all little clues to the kinds of stuff he's interested in.

If the two of you share some of the same friends, that's another potential resource. Ask them what kinds of things he's into outside of school. You never know -- you might both have a burning passion for mountain biking or speaking German. And even if the two of you are into completely different things, you'll know a little bit more about what makes him tick. Just don't go overboard with your reconnaissance; there's no need to interrogate everyone he knows. Talk to people who know both of you well and won't broadcast your interest to the entire school.

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Your investigative work will come in handy on the phone for a couple of reasons. First, you'll put him at ease by getting him to talk about stuff he loves. Second, your interest in his activities is a good way to let him know that you want to get to know him better.

Draw him out, and the conversation will pick up.
Draw him out, and the conversation will pick up.
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Some guys (like some girls) are just not chatty. It might be that they're kind of shy. So, don't take it personally if you're having a hard time getting him to say more than "yeah" or "uh-huh" on the phone. It doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want to talk to you.

There are a couple of things you can do to try and get him talking. One is the previous tip -- finding out what he's into, and asking about it. Another good idea is to ask him open-ended questions. If you keep asking him things that only require a yes-or-no answer, a yes or a no is all you're likely to get. Instead, put your English class skills to good use and ask questions that require more thorough answers. For example, instead of asking, "Do you like the new Bruno Mars album?" try saying "What do you think of the new Bruno Mars album?" That will help get him talking, and hopefully he'll feel a bit more comfortable.

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Don't worry, both guys and girls get nervous when talking to someone they like.
Don't worry, both guys and girls get nervous when talking to someone they like.
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Do you have sweaty palms? Is your heart racing? Is your hair a complete disaster owing to your habit of twisting it when you get nervous? It's fine. Really and truly, we've all been there. Nerves are just a part of the experience. The key is not to let them get the best of you. So what if your voice gets a little squeaky when he answers the phone? It's not the end of the world. And something that can make you feel about a million times better is remembering that he's probably nervous, too.  After all, it's not every day somebody as awesome as you dials his number. So, if his voice breaks, or he trips over his words or perhaps drops the phone, you'll forgive him. After all, you know how he feels.

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Be yourself, not someone else!
Be yourself, not someone else!
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It's always tempting to try and change who we are to get somebody to like us better. But even little things, like saying you're really into a band you've actually never heard of, can get you into trouble. For one thing, those kinds of little white lies will probably come back to bite you sooner rather than later. But more importantly, you want him to like you for being you. Be proud of who you are and what you're about. He's way more likely to think you're cool because you raise goats for 4-H than for faking an understanding of the UEFA Champions League rankings. Being comfortable in your own skin is much more attractive than trying to be somebody you're not.

Now, was that so hard? All right, it was probably kind of hard. But you did it! You talked to a guy on the phone, and you didn't dissolve into a quivering pile of nerves. That's something to be proud of. So, take a deep breath, pat yourself on the back, and relax. Because, my friend, you rock.

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Sources

  • Fine, Audrey. "What to Say to Boys on the Phone." Seventeen.com. (Oct. 8, 2010)http://www.seventeen.com/love/advice/guy-advice-phone
  • GirlsLife.com. "Why don't guys like talking on the phone?" June 5, 2010. (Oct. 8, 2010)http://www.girlslife.com/post/2010/06/03/Why-dont-guys-like-phones.aspx

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