So, there's this girl. You like her a lot, right? And you think there's a pretty good chance that she likes you. You decide that it might be time to move things to the next level.
The next level, of course, is talking to her on the phone.
This can be an extremely daunting prospect. How many times do you dial the number, only to hang up at the last minute? How many steps have you taken while pacing around the room before the call even goes through? And what if your mind just goes blank when she picks up?
You have to gear yourself up for the experience, no question -- but the trick is not to psych yourself out in the process. Remember, lots of people have done this before, and you'll get through it. And to help you out, here are five tips to make the experience better for everybody involved.
Before you even pick up the phone, it's probably a good idea to have some idea of what you want to talk about. Don't make it too detailed or write out a script of everything you should say; that'll just make you sound awkward. And what if she changes the subject? Then you're scrambling for your lines and everybody's confused.
But having a goal for the conversation is good. It can be a little goal, like talking about the chemistry lab write-up you both have due next week. Or it can be a big goal, like asking her to the homecoming dance. Just make sure you limit it to a couple of mental bullet points so you don't forget why you called halfway through the conversation.
Unless you're Skyping instead of talking on the phone, she has no clue what you look like or what you're doing on the other end of the line. It doesn't matter if you're sweating bullets, pacing every square inch of your room, or squeezing the life out of a stress ball. You could be wearing your rattiest sweatpants, the ones that are a single wash cycle away from falling apart, and it doesn't matter. She won't know. In fact, there's an excellent chance that she'll be nervous, too. Just try to keep your voice relaxed and friendly, and take out your jitters elsewhere.
One great way to let a girl know you're interested in her is to act like it (genuinely, of course). Ask her questions about her day, her family, her pet hamster, whatever. The point is, you're asking her things that will help you get to know her better. Asking questions is extra helpful when the girl is a bit shy. That way, she can just respond to the conversation without having to lead it, since she might be nervous and unsure of what to say.
Remember, if you're just getting to know each other, don't make the questions too personal. Keep it friendly. The ice will be broken before you know it.
Yes, it's a cliché. It's also true. There are always moments when you feel like being somebody else might get you what you want, but in the long run, it'll only come back to bite you. Don't act like you're into something you're not, just because she is. Telling her that you totally love doing pottery, too, is only going to get awkward when she wants to talk about which glaze you like best. It's fine if you don't love everything she does. Go back to the third tip and ask her questions about it; find out why exactly she digs pottery.
Plus, you'll be a lot more interesting to her when you talk about something you really are into. It doesn't matter what you like to do, as long as you're passionate about it. That's the stuff that makes you who you are. That's the person she'll want to get to know.
All right, so you're winding up the call. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. But you need an exit strategy, and also a way to maintain the momentum you've built throughout the conversation. If your goal for the call didn't include asking her out, then you both might end up feeling unsure of where things stand once you hang up.
So, make a plan. It doesn't have to be huge. Tell her you'd like to call her again tomorrow night, or maybe bring up the football game this weekend. Is she going? You can meet up at halftime for a cup of hot chocolate. It can even be as simple as saying, "So, hey, I guess I'll see you in class tomorrow. Talk to you then?"
Then, you say your good-byes, hang up the phone and realize that it's over. You made it, dude. You just talked to a girl on the phone and lived to tell the tale. Doesn't that feel awesome?
HowStuffWorks looks a study which showed 'aspirational online dating' didn't pan out for most people.
- "How to Talk to Girls." CollegeTips.com. (Sept. 23. 2010) http://www.collegetips.com/college-guys/talk-to-girls.php