Basal thermometers. Ovulation predictor kits. Cervical mucus. Are you hot yet? If not, you're not alone. While babymaking sex sounds great in theory (no worrying about birth control!), couples who've been there are more likely to describe it as "mechanical," "unromantic," and "a big turnoff."
What's the problem? One husband explains, "When we threw away the condoms, I thought that meant we'd get to have spontaneous, uninhibited sex. Instead it was just the opposite. We had to schedule intercourse to correspond with my wife's ovulation, and limit ourselves to a couple of positions because they offered maximum penetration."
The experience can be equally frustrating for women. "I wanted it to be a beautiful thing — that we loved each other enough to create a baby together," says one mom-to-be. "But the reality was more like some weird science experiment."
Expert Advice
According to psychotherapist Lenore Pomerance, the key to a better sex life is learning to separate fertility from sexuality. "There's a vast difference between sex for pleasure and sex for conception, and couples who recognize this can avoid blaming, feeling guilty, or getting turned off by sex for conception," she says.
Pomerance points out that this separation is most essential when your efforts aren't immediately successful. "I've had couples express fears that they couldn't get pregnant because the sex wasn't good enough, or the love failed — which, of course, has nothing to do with fertility. When partners start feeling flawed or inadequate because they haven't conceived right away, they grow depressed and their sexual feelings are affected."
